Funny People at Woot!
Those people at Woot! know funny. Today's deal is "Random Crap!". Since there's no permanent URL I can link to, I've copied their very funny description here.
Update: It's already sold out! Lotta people love random crap for a buck!
From Woot! on 2005-01-28:
Tired of clicking all over the web looking for the lowest price on the finest merchandise with the best features from the most reliable retailers? Give your inner Consumers’ Reporter a break by indulging in a purchase that no one would mistake for a good deal: another one of Woot’s famous Bags o’ Crap.Hey, when this crap arrives at your house, grouse ye not that ye’ve been had. We’re admonishing you in all caps that what we’ve got here is crap. Look:
CAVEAT EMPTOR, SUCKERS!THIS ITEM CONSISTS OF ONE BAG WITH —OH, LET’S SAY ABOUT THREE PIECES OF CRAP INSIDE.
IF YOU ORDER FEWER THAN THREE CRAPS FOR YOUR BAG, IT IS REALLY NOT COST-EFFECTIVE.
BUT DON’T LET US TELL YOU HOW TO WASTE YOUR MONEY. AFTER ALL, YOU’RE THE ONE WHO BUYS THIS CRAP.
“How,” you ask yourself, “am I supposed to derive happiness from crap?” Well, allow us to suggest some guidelines—think of them as Chicken Soup for the Crap-Encumbered Soul :01. Disappointment is the result of unmet expectations. You can’t control what kind of crap you get in this bag, but you can certainly decline to expect GOOD crap. Hope is the enemy of satisfaction. Suppress it.
02. The crap that some other people get in their bags will almost certainly be less crappy than the crap you get in yours. That’s just the way it goes. Before you get too kvetchy about it, evaluate the grievance: It’s not like you’re being detained without trial in Guantanamo; you’re just unhappy with a discretionary purchase that was clearly labeled “crap.” In the hierarchy of injustices, this is not a biggie.
03. Consider whether you really want to throw your wages at crap. If this amount of money matters even a little to you, maybe it’s best to close your browser and Woot another day. Try this exercise: In your mind’s eye, picture your hard-”earned” money on a balance, weighed against our crappy crap, as if by some kind of online shopaholic’s Anubis.
04. We strongly recommend you not buy fewer than the maximum three craps for your bag. It’s crap, after all, so if you order less of it, you get into diminishing returns on the cost of shipping. Don’t even try ordering just one piece of crap and then blaming it on our server!
05. Finally: don’t obsess about the crap so much that you forget the bag. “That’s a sweet bag!” you should say to yourself. “That’s totally worth the price all by itself.” Then, when you open your new bag, you can regard its contents with the disdain they deserve. Who put this crap in your sweet new bag? You don’t want this crap. Why would you? It’s crappy.