Vegetables are funnier than fruits
Ottomans are funnier than chairs, which, in turn, are funnier than sofas.
Standing light fixtures are funnier than hanging light fixtures.
Chicken is the funniest meat. Pork is funnier than beef. Turkey, despite having the "K" sound and being related to chicken, isn't funny at all. Go figure.
Sausage is not funny. Neither patties nor links. Bacon isn't funny either.
Raw Chicken is the funniest goddamn food there is
Almonds and Walnuts are funnier than peanuts. Pecans are the funniest nut (don't give me any shit about something not actually being a "nut", who cares what you think).
Rugs are funnier than carpet. Hardwood floors - not funny.
Big old mainframe computers are hilarious. Other computers aren't funny unless they have been clearly rendered useless by gunfire.
Desks are funnier than armoires and dressers.
Black and White TV is funnier than color TV.
Knives and forks aren't funny. spoons are heelarious.
Spatulas, cheese graters, ironing boards, soup ladels, and lemon zesters are not funny. the garlic press is not funny. windows are not funny, and doors are not funny, not even swinging french doors. On the other hand, mailboxes, dishwashers that look like old laundry machines with the circular see through window, kitchen sinks with more knobs than hot/cold/faucet, dishtowels, and the big furnace in the basement are all funny.
Snapple is not funny, but yoohoo is hysterical. gatorade and juice boxes are not funny. tap water? mildly entertaining.
tables are not funny. dishes are not funny. stemware is not funny. regular glassware is amusing. dining room centerpieces are comedy gold.
fireplaces are obviously funny as are chimneys....lighting fire inside the home is just plain funny. game rooms are never funny, period.
pencils are funnier than pens. typewriters are sad.
Posted by Dick at November 29, 2003 09:19 PM | TrackBackfunny - much of thanksgiving conversation was around how funny "pecan pie" (proh-nounced "PEE-can pie") was and it's use in "when harry met sally." obviously, billy crystal knows "the rules."
me: why are men attracted to pecans? i can't figure it out. pecans are proof that your personal god was a man, if you believe in such things.
Posted by: steve at December 1, 2003 01:50 PMlongtime costolo readers are clamoring for some new, non-recycled comedy. sure, these "rules" are fine for the uninitiated...
c'mon!
Scott, you are what we in the comedy business call a "malcontent"; somethings always a little bit off, something's just not right, something could have been just a little bit funnier. You'll get your new funny when i'm feeling funny, and right now, i'm feeling like i have to work. I will be feeling funny around 6:30 this evening, but i have to eat then. Assuming I'm still feeling funny after I eat and put the kids to bed, there will be fresh laughs for you and your other malcontent pals here round 9pm central time.
Posted by: Dick at December 2, 2003 02:13 PMI like your funnies, never mind Scott. Doilies are funny, too. My kid is a Goth and rows crew - that's funny. Here's wonderful funny that you may not have come across yet...
http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/
Be sure to have the sound turned up...
I like your funnies, never mind Scott. Doilies are funny, too. My kid is a Goth and rows crew - that's funny. Here's wonderful funny that you may not have come across yet...
http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/
Be sure to have the sound turned up...
Oops... Accidental double post due to the twitching of fingers upon the mouse. Sorry!
Posted by: linnea at December 28, 2003 03:04 AM