802.11me

TED, as in Stu-ped

Well, the ongoing battle for "worst industry" between mobile operators and airlines has reached a new milestone, as the airlines all look to rebrand themselves in some fashion. The latest entrants are Northwest's conversion to NWA (motto: Straight outta Compton and into O'hare). Attention NWA marketing department: Did ANY of your consultants warn you that this was the name of a groundbreaking rap group featuring Easy-E, Ice-Cube, Dr. Dre and others whose first CD was double platinum? The group whose song "F--- the Police" was railed against across the country by the authorities? Or is this all part of the campaign, and we can all expect to be greated at the boarding area in street terms? eg, "Back up, dr. stand-by, it's worldperks in the hizzouse and you aint even frequent, fashizzle?". No, i'm guessing they probably either ignored any such warnings or, more likely, none of their consultants was familiar with the band so widely recognized across urban america. But nwa isn't the really really funny one. No, the REALLY funny new brand name is united's discount airline, TED. Get it? Uni-ted? Ted? it's the last part of their name AND it's a guy's name...like just a regular guy kind of guy! like we're just a regular guy kind of airline! I bet that name alone set them back a cool ten million. How long before they junk it? I'm saying 24 months before it's gone. At most. Why? let's break it down.

1. Which brand sounds less discount-y (remember, i may want cheap fares, but i probably want the cheapest fare on the best airline): a) Song, b) ATA, c) Ted

2. How can a united flight get ANY MORE discount, i ask you? Last five times i've flown united, even on 4+ hour flights, there are no meals, bad drinks, lousy pretzels, and the world's most god-awful movies ever made (drum line? how did that film even get made?). You're gonna try to discount THAT? how do you do that? use cardboard cutout flight attendants? maybe just hurtle the drink cart down the aisle once every hour with the pilot announcing over the PA "take what's rightly yours!"? Not use gates for boarding and deplaning? "ok, we're stopping here on the tarmac, be sure to scoot across the field there before NWA Flight DOA from pittsburgh lands in 3 minutes! come on now, quick like a bunny!"

3. Southwest and JetBlue are successful not because of their names, but because of maniacal focus on service. United's service has gotten more and more decreprit as they've cut costs over the last couple years. Being 1k status on united now is like....well, it's just like NOT being 1k on united!

I like "Song", by the way, which i think is delta's other brand. i don't know how well it's doing, but that's kind of a fun name for an airline. i'd buy a ticket on Song.